A Commercial Break: Do You Need a Mask?
There has been a lot of talk about masks lately.
It seems like suddenly all the shelves are bare, and the prices are going waaaaay up! But here, all over the internet, we’ve got you covered. We offer safety, security, and peace of mind in one fine package.
Other sellers offer a lot of different fancy models. Some are sold in lingerie stores for Two Hundred Dollars apiece!
Here on the internet we cut through all that crap (or provide it, anonymity allowing expression of once secret desires). We can get you a face mask you can really use, so efficient and perfectly made that you can use the same one for up to a month!
So how does it work? We create masks so strong that they let in no poison air. We have devised a non-toxic disinfectant air filter, purifying whatever you breathe with the sort of synthetic air you have comfortably breathed before on an airplane. $89.99, with standard shipping fees. It comes in gray, blue, and black, and we offer you a money back guarantee–if the mask doesn’t work and you catch the virus, you can send all items back for a full refund–plus a twenty dollar coupon off your next order!
Want to show-off that you’re still yourself, garbed in public with a mask making you look silenced? We offer in our trend models varying shades of darkness and light for only $39.99 to $59.99–and no tax, because what are they going to do?
Protective face wear is going to be your most important fashion accessory for some time to come, and don’t you want to get in on it before it’s too late?
For some people we understand that the virus has impacted your income, and we sympathize with your recent misfortunes. Well we have models for you too, at only $9.99 for one, and two for the incredibly low price of $14.99. It’s always good to have a back-up mask.
Children’s sizes start at 6M , for $29.99 each. Isn’t your child worth it?
Be sure to get these while supplies last.
How about some middle eastern flair?
or maybe something a little more tempting–sexy, if there is an actual word for it:
You will have quite a bit of time spent at home with family, and you should find some to spend with them, time when you’re not all thinking about apocalypse.
We even have masks for the health and security of your best friends.
And with all that time together, sometimes things are happy, quaint, like the pioneers. You are quarantined, spending more time than usual with the ones you’ve built your life upon, perhaps learning to appreciate them for the first time in years.
Of course, there must be time for romance
Sex
Sometimes when you are trapped with someone, you fall in love. Might this lead to
So why waste time with profiteers trying to steal the last penny you’ve saved for these very rainy days? They tell us we need one. Please order today.
