A Commercial Break: What We Believe (Part 4a): For a Limited Time Only!
Are you interested in showing off your support for your favorite presidential candidate in 2020? Well, now you can let the world know who with our special offer of a ten caret gold-plated, limited edition coin you cannot find anywhere else! This offer is limited to the first 100,000 buyers for the low cost of only three payments of $19.99.
We also offer hats, scarves, bumper stickers, magnets, mugs, sweatpants with (your candidate)’s name stitched on the rear, home tattoo kits, candy, stencils, toys for your children–including one of those repeating voice boxes shouting “(Their Name”) in 2020!” that you can offer to your grandchildren, or the children of your friends at birthday parties. We also produce intimates: underwear, jock straps with (your candidate)’s face on the front, and lingerie in any color, with a lacy floral swirl with your favorite’s name. We can also design whatever else you might desire, made to order, at our factories right here in the USA.*
These items are limited edition, and they are going fast! Says one satisfied customer, “I didn’t even know who I was gonna vote for until I saw my friend with the full set of bobble heads. I knew immediately which one was my favorite. I even went out and gave money to their campaign!”
As the primary elections wind down, and the final candidates are named, we can also offer a two-headed bronze statuette of the opposing candidates, each facing the other in fist-raised battle poses, a regular Mount Rushmore of partisan rage. This true work of art would ordinarily sell for an untold fortune, but now you can get it for a one time only offer of $99.99. Claim your share of history with this masterpiece, reflecting the importance of where you were, and whoever you stood for, in this immemorial presidential race of 2020.
Also available are complete sets of coins, and other products, going all the way back the even before the founding of our great nation, including the first leaders of the Continental Congress–a bargain at any price! This includes John Hancock, Samuel Adams, Alexander Hamilton (limited supplies remain), John Jay, and “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” Patrick Henry, among many others who helped to found our nation.
Also, if you place an order right now we will give you–at no extra charge!–this limited edition print, offered in both color and, for the color blind, in black and white, displaying every patriotic site in our nation’s history, from Independence Hall in Philadelphia, through the landmark Battle of Gettysburg, the White House, the US Capital Building, Carpenter’s Hall, Monticello, Grant’s Tomb, the Tomb of the Unknown Solider, the Eternal Flame, the Naval History Museum in New Jersey, the Twin Towers, the Confederate Memorial State Historical Site and, most impressive of all, President Donald J. Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach Florida.
Order now while supplies last! Don’t miss your last chance to share a piece of American history!
*Materials forged in outposts outside of China and North Korea.
