Let’s Invent a Conspiracy Theory

Let’s invent a conspiracy theory, shall we? It’s really easy to do. All you need is some questionable fact, or a doubtful reality, and the self-confidence to believe that only you are capable of seeing through to the actual truth. In fact, there are so many of these widespread and often conflicting ideas at play at any point in human history that even those without much imagination are capable of forming alternate realities. Take a look at this:

I have no idea who devised this chart or what the information is based upon (I don’t know how many people in a survey would refer to themselves as “downtrodden.”) Perhaps it is all just another misinformation campaign. Perhaps we need real truth tellers to slice through all the lies and give us a road map to discovering the what’s real.

Wait, no. Does this make any sense? I don’t get the connections, especially in light of Hannity’s defenses of the exact same theories regarding President Trump. As one fine wit said regarding this chart, broadcast live in prime time, “if I am reading this correctly did Hillary Clinton just win the NCAA championship?”

Who else is there who might offer up solutions?

See this . . . wait. This is crazy. None of this makes any sense. They are blind assertions. They are–

What? Is this . . . how are we supposed to follow . . . when have people ever been so organized and together on . . . Draco Reptilians? What? I . . . I-I-I–

I don’t understand what this means at all. I mean–

Ahhhh . . . this one is a relief, the more familiar idea of the Illuminati, linking together rich people, international organizations, spy agencies, political ideologies, Jews, think tanks, and a handful of closely aligned conspiratorial agencies. I mean after all of the other stuff this is something that at least we can compre–

Wait, what? Is this somehow related? Is there a connection to–

Wait are they trying to say that what I am hearing and seeing and believing isn’t actually true? How can they get away–

I . . . I-I-I don’t understand. How is McDonald’s . . . what is SAIC? Is that the olympic symbol, or some lost secret society’s sign? Who is that cartoon head at the bottom? “Axis of Good Treasure Map?” The plot goes so deep that everyone is complicate in one way or another.

This is where this rabbit hole sinks, into some deep black hole filled with everyone and everything that ever happened, all of it somehow combining to lie to the specific individual believers.

But I wanted to invent my own theory:

You know that the earth itself is alive, right? I mean, sure, it sustains life, but do you realize that it is a seperate living entity? It actually breathes. It thinks. It is aware of everything that we do. Some people–religions–mistake our mother for ‘God,’ but it has far less to do with the universe than this rock we call our home.

See, the earth knows about us. It can read our thoughts. It knows our intentions. It can ultimately put a stop to our destruction. Know how I know this?

Science proved this. The second picture is true–it really is! As for the last one . . . who wrote this? No one has ever taken credit for it. No one even wrote it! It is her! It is mother earth! She has a soul!

But mama is angry with us–we all know this. Global Warming and such. Climate change. Hurricanes. Tornados. Fires. Bugs. Disease. All of these natural calamities creeping upon us and making the struggle of life increasingly harder. She is out to get us, mother earth. She hates us. I know . . . I know this because . . .

Who can argue with nature? This is what she is doing. She is drying us out too.

You know what it is? Do you know what is really going to get us? It’s sand,

endless sand,

the whole world dry, the bottom of lakes just another stretch of desert.

But you realize, of course, that since the earth gives life to every single part of her, every particle has an independent intelligence. Every grain of sand . . .

And they are vengeful;

They are coming to get us, mother earth’s soldiers. It is the conspiracy of sand. And do not think that this will in any way be the end of the earth herself. She is strong. She will continue to thrive. She doesn’t need us. She cannot be destroyed by our avarice and stupidity. We can only kill ourselves, or perhaps she will simply do this for us.

I challenge you to dispute this theory, and you know that you can’t. I have pictures. I have proof. And just because you’re being brainwashed by the “official” scientific community with their lies–

Just follow the map. Follow it to the end of time and you’ll see who our real enemy is.

–end of session